Day Two/Three 15.10.11,16.10.11

Right. Didn't have time to do this yesterday, not that anyone really cares to be honest. Just me all alone. The feeling of loneliness is a funny thing... You can be in a room full of people and still feel like your the only person in the world. Not to mention feeling alienated. I hate that with passion. Yesterday I had the gran parents over. Lovely bunch. Typical grandad 'DURING THE WAR' kinda thing, apart from my grandad always says the word war so it sounds like 'war-waa'. Lol. And my aparent great uncle and aunt. I really don't know why they bother coming to ours to be honest. They just sit there, eat our food and don't talk to anyone. For all I know they could be just a few hobos that turned up off the bloody street. No really I mean they don't talk to anyone! URGH. FAMILY. (apprently). Made a massive fool of myself yesterday in front of the boyfriend's mother. Bloody hell. You start to jog up to the stairs then fall flat on your bloody face in front of her.... She didn't look impressed I must say. Urrrgggggh just thinking about that makes me put my head in my hands in embarrisment. I really love spending time there when his family arn't around. (don't get any sick ideas there.) All the awkwardness thats there when his mum and his sister are there just goes and I feel like I can actually be me without having to worry about keeping up apprences in front of those two. Thats the thing about being a freak. You have to pretend to be someone else in front of people that don't know you well enough. But somehow you still look like a freak. At least I do. I feel sorry the poor boy to be honest. I don't know why everyone feels the need to put him down. If anything I think thats why he doesnt do as well as he could. I mean if someone just gave him a bit of praise at least he wouldn't feel so picked on. He doesnt even have any aspects that are pickable. Hes a great guy. (if I dont say so myself :L). So slept over there last night. Actually had a really good nights sleep! Usually I wake up all the time and its just really annoying. I think its because I was actually like calm for once. Had the weridest dream ever! I dreamt I was having a smoke with bart simpson (Yeah I don't know why but usually I smoke in my dreams now... better there then here I spose) as you do, then the skinner guy or whatevers hes called came and took me to the office  which then somehow magically turned into my school. When mr.wilson came out as was just like giving you the old do you want to die smoking lecture and then I was just like. Yes. Yes I do want to die. Anything to get me there faster. Then I can't remember what happened apart from this girl in my class (gobby as a bloody.. gob) and I just remember beating the shit into her (I have alot of built up anger) and picking her up and throwing her head into the table multiple times (was quite fun actually) Then its blank and I can't remember much apart from walking out the room seeing .... someone. Yeah I don't think the rest of this dream needs to be explained so I think I'll leave it there. OK. Heres a quick summary of what happened today: woke up; me man came in; I told him to go cos otherwise his mum'd get pissy (annnnnnnnnnnnnd I was enjoying his rather comfy bed); half an hour later he came back in; we watched the rest of johnny english; I was starving so he kindly let me rade his kitchen; watched dispickable me; played on rage; got dressed ect; played more rage; had lunch; played more rage together; had to go home; went home; got home; did some stuff; went out with step brother for a bike ride; got exhausted; nicked a sun flower head from a field; rode away feeling like a proper rebel!; home we came; nothing really happened after that; put alice in wonderland on; am currently watching alice in wonderland and writing my blog. Can't wait for my  roast dinner to be honest. I'm a pig like that. Urgh. Got to write out my french exam questions but I don't know what the hell to put and times running out to revise it BUT I DON'T EVEN HAVE IT DONE YET URGGGGGGGGGH. Plus I have history. UG. Well that was that. Into the deeper stuff. I do feel like I'm a bad person... is it wrong to be with someone and still care for another? Is it horrible to care for the two equally and still be heartbroken once the other has moved on? I do worry... Well I  hope I get time to write tomorrow.