What the hell. Just literally what the hell. Life you utter utter son of a bitch, you can be so so so so so so great but for all the wrong people you are an utter slave driving, suicide encouraging, heartbreaking, problem giving, hate burning, envy churning DICK! There are so many good people in this world and all they ever get is everything they don't deserve. And the bad ones go unpunished. Well. At least in this world. Lately I've been thinking alot about how these days are supposedly the last. How rumors of war are being whisperd here and there, global warming, running out of fuel, chavs, all these earthquakes. Are these really the last days? What really scares me is... am I good enough to be judged a good person... Or have I just gone too far and I'm lost in the fog of sinners. Its all far too much to deal with, especially being a rather lusty teenager with needs and what not.
The world is such a lonely place... I'm so lost. I feel so ungrateful for everything I've been blessed with because it lacks perfection. I shouldn't be like that... I'm like a puddle in the summer. Shallow. The funny thing is I'm not even pretty enough to be shallow or picky. I'm a choosey beggar so to say. Not to mention the absloute hole in my chest that I can't seem to fill... ha... Getting the perfect thing you've wanted since yr 8 and for years just treated as a fantasy you never thought would happen then having it taken away so causually when it was everything to you... Doesn't heal very quickly... if it does heal at all. Just seems to get deeper and deeper with every sec I think about it. I have someone very special however. Its just trying to stop thinking about that obcesstion. It hurts even more knowing that he doesn't think about me. That I was nothing to him in reality. Just a time killer. Just... nothing.
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